Friday, 19 August 2011

Find the horizon

My stored UK life
I spent this morning recovering from my apparent over-indulgence of two (yes, just TWO) glasses of red wine. This diet I'm on, due to being low on carbs and fats, clearly has resulted in an inability to tolerate much more than a unit of alcohol. Add to that the fact that I hadn't had a drink in two weeks or so and you have a surprise hangover. Wahey!

So, I woke up at around 8, wondering why the room was spinning a bit and why I felt rubbish. Cue ibuprofen, another hour in bed and then some terrible morning TV and I started to feel a little better. In a sad way, it did break up my morning a little - I am getting to a point, just over two weeks after Ben leaving the UK, that I am, quite simply, bored. I have packed my shipping tea chests, completed forms, got everything ready to emigrate. I have prepared everything for the visa interview at the US Embassy. I have packed and repacked storage boxes (see above). I have read books, and I have walked, worked out, caught up with friends, been on bike rides and watched movies. And I feel horrible for whining about it all - really, it's such a first world problem! And to become a bit despondent now is really rather early in the game. There are still five whole weeks to go before my interview, meaning that there are just over 7 before I can see Ben again and start life in the States properly. Usually at this time of year I would be starting to get silly-busy with preparing for returning to work after the summer break and cramming in seeing people but it seems that there aren't enough things for me to fill my day with in any really productive way. I am used to being overrun with things to do, so having just a few each day (even with the very helpful to do list method that helps me feel like I'm accomplishing things) is leaving me feeling a little... empty. And a bit useless. It basically comes down to me not being good at not being busy and, which is a bit of a surprise as I do enjoy - nay, require - alone time quite regularly, I am not good at being alone for long periods. I guess it's the difference between being alone and being lonely.

My beautiful engagement party dress
Back to this morning, then. After a work out - once I was feeling less nauseous - which went really, really well (the cross-trainer didn't kill me this time, so that's progress!), I got showered and dressed and decided that I wanted to check in on my engagement party dress. I hadn't looked at it at all since that day (June 4th), a combination of both worrying that it might need a right old clean and because I thought it would be a bit emotionally tough to do it without Ben here. As it turns out, it was in pristine condition (the layers need steam cleaning just to straighten them out to let the skirt hang smoothly, but that's to be expected) and it was actually a really happy thing to do. It's such a beautiful dress, and we had such a magical day when I wore it, that I just felt warm and reminded of all the wonderful things still to come.

But this is what I am reduced to, dear readers (if indeed there are any of you out there!): I am writing a blog about packing crates and looking at a dress. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING! I essentially need something more than just teeny jobs here and there, and perhaps things that I have to do, rather than just can do. Photography projects, coffee, getting healthier... they all only take up so much time. Not having a car any more also restricts me. And, of course, I inevitably then feel bad that I am complaining about having "too much" time and as though I am wasting the time I do have, so worry that I look/am lazy or uncreative. Bah!

So... tomorrow. Another list of small jobs. I am going to keep going with the lists. They do help. I am having my hair done and, having lost about 7lbs now, I am feeling happier in my own skin, so it will feel like I've "earned" the pampering. I am meeting a friend for chats and some Ally McBeal in the afternoon/evening. I have breakfast planned with a friend on Sunday and then a busy week with friends (mainly more coffee, admittedly, but there may also be the cinema and some walks) up until about Thursday. Ben's birthday is on Wednesday and there is the potential of a much hoped for visit from my brother and his wife at the end of the week, as they might be coming over from Geneva for the weekend. And if all this fails, I suppose I can just be glad that it hasn't got this bad yet:



2 comments:

  1. Oooooh I definitely remember that bored feeling! I finished my MA last Sept, got my Visa in December, and moved in January. There was zero point in getting a job, so I spent a lot of time BOOOOOORED! It'll be better soon!

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  2. Thanks! It's a bit painful but at least today is busy.

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