Wednesday, 3 August 2011

This heart, it beats, beats for only you

So, Ben went home today. This was not easy. I was quite pathetic. We stayed at the Novotel at Birmingham Airport - which incidentally is a lovely hotel with a great restaurant, even without being an airport hotel - which was our original plan when we thought I'd be able to return with him. So, we had dinner, mucked about with my phone camera app (see below) and watched True Blood and Scrubs, basically trying to pretend all was normal and also not fall asleep because time would then go too fast.

Gorgeous man of mine. 
My giant head.

So, we managed to pretty much stay awake until 4AM, get ready (again) and then mooch on over to the terminal (in between my apparently random but quiet sobbing) where, for some reason I managed to get it together a bit and not bawl until Ben walked through departures where I couldn't follow. 

Stupid airport.
I managed to get out of the airport armed with ibuprofen and a Red Bull so that I could drive home without too much fuss. It's been a weird few days, as I've been more affected by our separation this time around than back in January. I say weird because, at that point, we didn't have a definite idea of when we would see each other again, knew it would have to be at least five months of time apart and hadn't even started the visa process. You would think, then, that this separation - where it will be 3 months maximum time apart, maybe less if we're lucky, and we're so near the end of the visa process now with just the interview to go - would be a bit easier. Perhaps the fact that we (optimistically) hoped that I could go back with Ben today made it harder. Or, more likely - having had time to reflect on this when wailing on the M42 at 6AM - it's that having Ben at home with me, my family, my friends, in my everyday life, just makes it all the more obvious that he isn't here now. And it wasn't exactly a "normal" everyday life situation in that we weren't having to go to work, were doing lots of fun things and celebrating our upcoming wedding, so it was an incredibly special and exciting time. We even worked out that we spent around 97% (actually 96.6%, because we are that much fun we work stuff out like that - I love our relationship. *grins* ) of the past two months in each other's presence. Only the dentist (me), hairdresser (me) and bathroom (both of us, separately) had us in different locations. 

Just add fiancé.
I wouldn't have it any different, though. Much as the pain is horrible at this point - and I don't care if I sound like I'm exaggerating or apparently ignoring all of the good things about us and life in general; right now it hurts and experience tells me it's better for me to let my feelings be what they are and work through them than try to pretend I am okay, thus postponing any genuine recovery - I am so very grateful and lucky to have such a love as this. So now I wait until around 2030 GMT to hear that my heart has safely arrived back in NC and then hopefully get to chat with him tonight via Skype once he has had some catching up time with family and friends. And then the countdown begins again... 

Visa update: It's not much of one, but I did call the US Embassy on Monday. They told me that the documents I sent to them that arrived on 20th July had not yet been processed and could take another two weeks to be on the system as complete, and that the medical results had not been added to the system either but would be likely to be on by today. In terms of time, this means we have to wait until a maximum of August 17th for the documents to have been processed and ticked off and, provided that all is in order, a further two weeks after that to get a letter with an interview date. They couldn't advise me of how long after receiving the letter the interview might be scheduled. So, it's basically watch this space until August 31st, when we should have an interview date.

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