Monday, 12 September 2011

Return journey

Sat somewhere between Taunton and Cheltenham on the 09:25 cross country service, I have again been inspired/bored into the need to write a blog post. This will, as far as I know, be my penultimate train-based post, as I only have one train trip to London left to go before I leave, unless some last minute plans are made before October. I have been editing a few photos from my trip to Plymouth for my “primary” blog, MOL, and am now rocking some emotional tunes on my iPod, considering my feelings on returning home for next to the last time - locally, anyway.

I think that this may explain the choice of music – all emotive, sad stuff that’s either loud and painful or quiet and reflective. However, while I am certainly preoccupied, I am not sad. Not really. And today I realised this because of the music, more than anything. Although I am prone to listen to music that matches my mood (I’m not one of those people who can listen to a cheery song to try to shake a downer; if I’m in a grump, I will need grumpy aural accompaniment to flesh it out until it goes), there’s actually a rather lovely new phenomenon going on right now: the sadness of the songs juxtaposes how I feel in such a way that I sort of get the sense of listening to well-known songs as though new to me, with a simultaneous sense of comforting familiarity. I remember listening to these playlists when sad, so listening to them now, when happy, tells me how far I’ve come. Oh goodness, is this turning into an emo blog?! Oh well, one step up from hipster, I suppose. (But I did hear all of these songs before you did. On limited edition vinyl.)

There isn’t really much more to say: I am soothed by the associations I have with today’s choice of music, not because I am sad but because I can see that, while I am a little bit in need of an audio embrace, I no am no longer listening to it because it helps to verbalise a deeper melancholy. I am truly happy.

'Dark Side' - Tim Minchin. 
Accompanying my emo aspirations... 


  1. I'm a music nerd like that as well. If I'm in a depressed mood, there is nothing like driving down a dark interstate sobbing your guts out to Beyonce's entire "I am... Beyonce" album. Sometimes I do that even when I'm in a happy mood, just 'cause it's so dern fun.

    I know what you mean about leaving home. Not sad, but pensive sums it up perfectly. A lot of my family members are passively aggressively holding it against me that I'm leaving. And it kind of frustrates me that they seem to think that it isn't going to be hard on me at all. One of the hardest yet easiest decisions I've ever made. Well, really there wasn't much of a decision, just kind of always a plan. I'm sure you know what I mean!

  2. Lovely to see a comment on here from you! Totally agree with you about the "just 'cause"; nice to meet a fellow musicologist. :)

    I'm sorry to hear that your family aren't happy about it (the leaving bit, I mean; I am sure they are very happy for your happiness, just not how it affects them when you leave); my folks are being absolutely awesome about it all. I think the fact that my brother lives abroad (he moved to Geneva about 18 months ago) probably helps a bit in that they've done it before, but also they are just very supportive even though we're all finding it to be the "elephant in the room" sometimes. Is it your parents that are finding it difficult, or extended family? Or everyone?!

    I keep realising it's getting to be so soon that I leave (all being well with my interview) but that simultaneously means less time with my folks and my friends... Argh! Difficult to manage the happy/sad see-saw sometimes.

    I like the "always a plan": that's just how I feel! When are you coming to the UK, do you think?

  3. Well, you've lots to be happy about. You'll have to tell us what song you play on the way to or after your interview. Counting down the days, not too long now xx

  4. I will - let's hope it's a happy song, eh?! xx

  5. I'm certain it will be...its rare to get to this stage then be denied but I know about not counting your chickens xx

  6. Precisely! Don't want to get cocky. :) xx


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