Wednesday, 31 October 2012

The saddest lines

Sweet Ender Dog - a little collage of the last year or so


There's a huge gap at home.
This time last week, we had to rush our older dog, Ender, into the vet for an early morning appointment. He'd been panting and drooling in the small hours, and unable to rest at all. It's a long story cut short, but despite having several other "old man" issues (he was 14, so he had problems with arthritis, his heart, and he was also getting senile, but his demeanour and quality of life were so good, especially for his age and in spite of these conditions), it was a totally new condition that our vet diagnosed: gastric torsion. This would not necessarily have been such bad news had he been younger and healthier in order to benefit from - and indeed survive - surgery, but because of his age and other afflictions, we came to the horrible, sad, and somehow shocking conclusion that we had to let him go.

Thank you, everyone at CCVH. 
I don't want to go into it any more than that, but we're still somewhat in shock a week later, so I don't quite know what else to say about anything else, either. I miss him very much, and my heart aches in his absence. I was only part of Ender's life for a year of his fourteen, whereas Ben has had him since he was a puppy. The gap for him is that much bigger, and connected to so much more. It also hits you at the strangest times, so we seem okay for portions of the day, and then we'll realise that we were looking for him, or expecting him to howl when we go to take out the rubbish, or think we hear him moving around upstairs.

Our vet and everyone there were just amazing. They have been so supportive and understanding, and today we received Ender's paw print cast and such a lovely card from them. We can't begin to thank them enough for how much we appreciate them.

"Love is so short, forgetting is so long." Not that we want to forget. We want to remember his good days; his silly way of walking around with a toy (not running off, just walking around happily with it in his mouth, whining); his habit of head-butting the leash in excitement when it was time for a walk; his expression after a full shave-down groom; how totally unbothered he was by most things; how much he liked cheese; his sweet way with people, and gentle manner around pretty much all creatures. I just mean that I think you do manage to convince yourself to forget how hard, how heavy, grief is. And how very long.

Sleep tight, Ender dog. We miss you, and we love you.

4 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry for your loss Eve, Ender looks like such a sweet and adorable little guy! I can feel the weight of the loss from your words, and I'm wishing for comfort for you and Ben, in any way that it comes. Sending a hug and lots of love from Vancouver!

    -Arianne

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    1. Arianne, you are so kind. Thank you for your lovely words, and the hug! :)

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  2. Very sad news. It sounds like he had a "good innings" though, as they say in Blighty. It's best to remember him for his good days, like you say.

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    1. Thank you, Paul. We are definitely trying to remember the good times (of which Ben has 13 more years' worth, which as you say, is a good long time for a pup), and to be aware that he suffered very little at the end. Even though it was a shock, we are glad it was brief for his sake. Lovely, lovely boy he was.

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