Saturday, 16 November 2013

There's a heart ticket train on the way

Most of my lovely QE readers are good friends in real life (much as I appreciate that there are quieter, lurking internet friends and strangers who jump on board here and there - hello!) and have been part of the last few months of big change and almost-year of difficulties, so will already know what this post is going to say. I've been trying to work out quite what to put in light of the sensitive situation, the lack of privacy on the internet, and my enduring intention for this blog to be as open and honest as it can be about my experience in America.

Given those points, I'm going to put it plainly and without many details: Ben and I formally separated at the beginning of September. It was not my choice, nor was it expected. It has been a hell of a year and, although things have evolved and gone back-and-forth emotionally, we do not intend to get back together. We are still on good terms as and when we see each other.

I won't be writing about this again except for in the context of me staying in the US and how my journey may continue here. I appreciate that this may be a rude awakening of a post, and it may seem odd to mention it and not explain further, but I hope my reasoning makes sense to anyone reading. I am lucky enough to have the most incredible family of friends here (who have carried me through this time in every possible way, and I cannot express my gratitude and love enough for that), my gorgeous pups, a lovely house, and a fantastic job. I am okay. My amazing family and friends in England have been wonderful in their support, constant availability regardless of time differences, and understanding that I (USCIS-willing) intend on staying in Charlotte. I have a home here, and my heart senses that this is where I want to be.

I'll leave you with what is probably my most deeply-loved proverb, a quotation from the movie 'Strictly Ballroom', and a mantra that I continue to try to live by. Being braver has brought me so many beautiful things that I do not regret, and would not have been lucky enough to share and experience had I been too scared to try. Always try.


"Vivir con miedo es como vivir a medias." - A life lived in fear is a life half-lived. 


8 comments:

  1. I audibly gasped when I read this and I am so very sorry. You would always be welcome to visit Utah if you ever feel the need for a trip. Louise

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    1. Thank you for such a lovely offer, Louise, and for your kind words.

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  2. Hi Eve,

    I'm genuinely sorry to hear your news. I'm a Brit who moved to New Mexico to marry and I have found it helpful and supportive to read blogs such as yours. I certainly know the ups and downs of such a big move, and I have wondered how many couples do last the course as the path we've taken would test any relationship. My relationship is going well, but, Jeez, it's a rocky road with the occasional "I hope I did the right thing" moment.

    Anyway, good luck with continuing on your path. I think it's great, and brave, that you are going to stick with your new American life and I wish you well. Do keep blogging please.

    Best wishes,

    Iain

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    1. Hi Iain,

      I really appreciate you taking the time to write here, and I'm glad blogs like mine have helped you during your own journey. I certainly feel the same way about such blogs, and it's good to have the online community as a point of connection when you can feel so very bewildered and alone a lot of the time!

      Interestingly, I don't know whether the process of the move and this path in general is what strained the relationship to the point of breaking. To partial out what was "normal" breakdown vs. "expat" breakdown would be quite hard, I think. In any case, I am glad you're doing well in yours.

      Thank you for the well wishes, and the positive thoughts about my staying in the US. And I plan to keep blogging! :)

      Best wishes,

      Eve

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  3. So sorry to read this sad news. We send our love to you.
    I know no matter what happens next you'll not only survive but you'll be a winner.
    Keep on keeping on Eve.
    Thinking of you.
    Much love Alicat xxxx

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    1. Thank you, Alison. Your message is very kind, and I appreciate your belief in me. :) xxx

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  4. That's a shocker, Eve. I'm not sure what to say, other than to send my warm regards. You certainly sound like you have got support in both the US and UK, but I know how challenging it is to "start afresh" in a new country - to experience a relationship split on top of that must be extremely trying.

    (I do also love that quote at the end of your post!)

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    1. Thank you, Paul. I sincerely appreciate your comment.

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Thanks for taking the time to write! I try to reply to everyone, and I love to read your comments.